My only friend is a Zombie, he ate everyone else!
Do Zombies in fact "love" eating living human beings? Or do they just act upon the instinct of needing sustenance and attack the first living human they can find? I use the term living human beings because rarely in horror flicks does the Zombified individual nosh upon anything but good living human flesh. They can have a plethora of living animals around them and they still go for the 2 legged upright intelligent animal. Why is this? Before they joined the fraternity of the dead, these creatures more than likely feasted upon succulent pork chops, hearty hamburgers, fried chicken, or possibly even american beef. Why then do they now prefer flesh of their own species to satisfy the nagging hunger of death? Personally dead or alive give me a 2 inch porter house steak with sauteed mushrooms and I am a happy camper. This brings up a sidebar of thought, if your life was wasted on vegetables, legumes, and roots as a vegan, then would you become a card carrying member of the better red (meat) than undead club? Somehow a Zombified vegan standing in the middle of a garden of vegetables munching on carrot roots and celery stalks, does not bring to the average mind the romantic lure of clutching, grasping, horrible undead creatures attacking and ripping off chunks of muscle mass from innocent virgins. Somehow that scene loses something in the translation to the film screen. Zombies Are Economically Sound One thing is evident, since Zombies seem to prefer living flesh, think of all the money you can save on not needing any kind of cooking pots, pans, and utensils. Furthermore a stove would become a thing of the past. Cookbooks will vanish from the earth, and Julia Childs or Graham Kerr, or even Wolfgang Puck would become a whisper in the wind! Just think of all the piles of Tupperware and Glad storage containers that will no longer have a use. Wow I can think of multi billions of dollars saved if you simply made everyone a Zombie. Unfortunately there would be a lot of big drawbacks. One major hurdle, if everyone is a Zombie, who do you eat? Do you raise herds of foreigners in the lnow useless cattle pens just to satisfy the new hunger? How bout attracting the illegal aliens across the border to feed the dead masses? It solves 2 problems at once. The Social Ladder of the Undead Do rich folk who fall under the teeth attack refuse to chomp on poor people? Or do poor people who eat rich folks step up the social ladder? What does one wear when joining in a flesh fest? You must remember whatever you die in after being partially eaten is probably all you'll ever wear again. I do not think there are any fashion boutiques for Zombies, and from what I have seen no Zombie will ever win a best dressed award. Clothes make a man, what do they make a Zombie? Another thing, all the Zombies I have seen are generally drenched in blood, is the more blood you wearing bring you up the social scale with the other Zombie bretheren? Just think if Tide could come up with a special detergent just to remove the blood spots they would really clean up! (Obvious pun intended) More tidbits of thought later........ Love a Zombie, Lose a Limb?
My earlier story posting kind of veered off the cliff and never quite finished the original thought. My question posed was how does a Zombie actually move and kill? Or simply put how do they tick? I am a purist in that if I am to subject myself to 1.5 to 3 hours of Zombie love or Hate?) in film form, I want to know there is some basis of fact in the action on the screen and the reality of the world. In most stories, movies, the Zombies kill only the living. Why is this? I pointed out that one explanation came from the smell of the dead versus the living. I have to reject this, because many folks today are patently afraid of a bar of soap and any kind of water not mixed in a drink. I have actually been exposed to the assault upon my own nasal passages by otherwise intelligent interesting people. If indeed the dead can smell the living then how do they distinguished between those of the unwashed living and those of the dead and rotting flavor? Being Recruited To Death When one of the undead is trying to recruit new more bodies into their own army at what point do they begin realizing they are not helping their cause chomping on a fellow in arms? Does the living person or persons when they die immediately begin exhuding an aroma of death? How long does it take this process to start? It is also sometimes shown in these horror flicks that the Zombies seem to have the knack for attacking beautiful people first ( IE the busty blondes or the sassy red heads). Ugly people need not apply, are they generally smart enough? or luckier than the elite cuties to avoid being caught and served as a snack or one course of a 4 limb meal? I am not an expert on the subject, but I would guess and ugly person would be just as tasty or untasty as the beautiful boobed broad, or the hunky guy on the beach scene commercial. Okay so maybe Zombies do not have any sense of taste, then why not munch on their neighbor or the babysitter living or dead? Is there some sort of Zombie rule that only the living are in bounds to be eaten? Might there be some sort of Zombie Police to make sure only new recruits be initiated? It sure would add to the overall availability of munchies if they would broaden their horizons. Undead Puppets or Mindless Plague Once again I am wandering aimlessly away from my original thought, how does a Zombie who's heart is no longer moving the blood along to all parts of the body have any kind of animation. Maybe Zombies are really puppets being controlled from elsewhere by invisible strings, doing the beck and call of some evil and unknown master puppeteer. But what is the point? How can this hidden "boss" profit by having their unwitting subjects gnaw away? I am beginning to think that there should be a foundation to study the Zombies so we can all know how they work, or in the least, a panel of Zombie experts. Just don't pick anyone who might be tasty enough to be eaten before they discover the answers. Americans need to know, so you government bigwigs must establish a Zombie organization for the study of and possibly the eradication of the Zombie threat. It may simply be that Zombies need love to .......maybe they will control their antisocial behavior if they get more hugs. I think we should give them a few PETA members and see what will happens.
Anyone ever think or even notice that in all the Zombie movies up to now, the Zombies are generally dead bodies that have reanimated into moving killing machines? Now on a scientific level, exactly how does that work? The Human Body is a complex formula of chemical reactions that turn into movement of organs, muscles and actions. Yet if the body is actually dead, then how can a Zombie move? Not only do they move but they sometimes move swiftly, and with at least a rudimentary intelligence. Not all Zombies of course react the same way and in some movies actually are simply beings who have been taken over mentally. For arguments sake we will only refer to the "dead" bodies reanimated. If a muscle does not get a chemical electrical action that animates it, then how does dead tissue create movement. Furthermore as the body lays in death, rigor mortis sets in and the muscles become stiff and unmoving. Now exactly how is this overcome, and why does the Zombie begin moving? The eventuality of Zombism.... Now in some movies there are variations, such as time passes the Zombies slowly rot away, and eventually are destroyed through natural body tissue breakdown. Other variations, the Zombie continues on until the brain stem is destroyed. Why is this? If the brain is not being used except in only the most basic of functions why is it so important to the general well being of the entire body? How can a Zombie see? When the body dies, the eyes are one of the first organs to die off, with sight going black. This is caused by the lack of blood flow to the eye, which ceases the chemical and electrical impulses to operate the eyes. How do these Zombies magically begin seeing again once the body reanimates? Zombie classification from A to Z Why do Zombies always want to kill living people, and how do they distinguish between a live and dead body? It is suggested in at least one show recently a series the Walking Dead it is suggested that the creatures have a different odor thus alerting them not to chew on each other, but then once again the whole chemical reactions creating the sense of smell comes into play. On that note, if a Zombie attacks and kills a living person, the minute that person becomes undead does the Zombie suddenly stop chomping on their new recruit and leave to pursue more fresh meat? Do the Zombies taste a difference between different races or religions? Of course maybe they can't taste at all, just think if a Zombie attacks an unwashed Hippie type would he spit out the chunks? Would they perhaps prefer young virgins? How but Indian flesh today? Thai flesh or saucy South American Latinos? Zombie etiquette? What if the Zombie is toothless? Does he gum his flesh? or does he simply nibble away? What about Alzheimer patients? If a Zombie eats the brains from one, will it become disoriented and forgetful? Finally is there any discrimination among the undead? Will they stop at eating babies? How bout priests or other holy personnel? Or will the chomping of politicians sicken them with disgust? Is there a private hell for Zombied persons or person? No Zombies living or dead were harmed in the publication of this article. We love them all!